The golden rules of cycling

We’re lucky in Copenhagen that just about every street has a bike path on both sides of the road. These make travel around the city a breeze and you can easily get from one side of Copenhagen to the other in half an hour or less. (Yes, it’s a giant metropolis) But if you are coming to live here, or even just to cycle around on your holiday, here are the rules of the road I have picked up over almost a year’s cycling. It’s vital you follow them:

The Copenhagen Cycling Rules

1. Always wear your iPod. You get fined if you don’t. You also get discount bike servicing at bike retailers if you wear big earphones.

2. When entering from a side street, look hard to see if there are any other cyclists coming. If there are, look them in the eye and merge out anyway – let them work out the rest.

3. Cycle slowly and let everyone pass you but once you catch up at the red traffic lights, swerve around them all so you are in front again for when the lights turn green. Other cyclists love it when you do this.

4. Unless it is a major intersection – and sometimes even then – amber means pedal for your life to get across, even if you haven’t quite made it onto the crossing yet.

5. A red light at an intersection only means stop if there’re so many cars coming there’s no way you could get across and live.

6. Talk as much as you want on your mobile telephone and meander from one side of the path to the other – especially in peak hour. The politi encourage it.

7. Pedestrians are trash. If they inadvertently step onto the bike path (usually a tourist) take your week’s frustration out on them verbally. That way, they learn who’s boss.

8. If you see a friend walking on the footpath, stop immediately and talk to them. Don’t bother lifting your bike up 10cms onto the footpath. You won’t cause any crashes.

9. If a bus stops to pick up passengers, slow down a tad but DO NOT stop completely, even if old ladies and women with prams are disembarking. It’s your path, not theirs.

10. Ring your bell frequently to let others know you have one. After all, you paid for it.

If you're after a cheap bicycle...

This is the place to go. NQDII recently bought an extra bike to leave at the other end of the island to save catching a bus from the station to work or a 20 minute walk after an hour's trip on three trains. All up, including the DKK20 to cut the old chain off, it cost DKK520. Not bad when you consider we paid around DKK4000 each for new bikes at the beginning of the year.

Don't believe everything you read.

When we looked at putting some excitement into what we really thought were our very boring lives and looked at Denmark, we found a site called www.workindenmark.dk .

We read up on lots of enticing things about these wonderful Danes but, perhaps most of all, was their tendency to not work much more than the 9-5 bit. Dolly Parton – Eat. Your. Heart Out. We. Are. Made!

Well, let me put a few things into perspective. I am about to sue www.workindenmark.dk for leading me astray. It might not be getting dark until five o’clock now, but I wouldn’t know because I am usually in the office, toiling away, under the rather uncomfortable feeling that I could be retrenched if I don’t – some have already. Well, sort of. A few people have disappeared under the guise of not enough work and budgets not being met (or something like that because it’s all in Danish and I don’t understand most of it).

Don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to hard work but I hate working with that hanging over my head.

I’m totally tired of economic downturns and it seems they follow me wherever I go.

On a brighter note, since starting to ride my bike just on three weeks ago, my legs are looking like Jean-Claude’s and I’m even starting to pass the slow coaches.

I have only had one accident…so far.

A girl stopped to answer her mobile telephone. The guy directly behind her swerved in the nick of time and I, of course, ploughed straight into her.

I uttered a mix of Danglish, to which she replied “Jesus Christ!” I didn’t know what to say then, so went on my not-so-merry way.

I was impressed, however, with the young chap on the street who came to her aid. It was extremely chivalrous, even if it was HER FAULT and now one came to my aid!!