Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Queen's Danish

Judging by the mailbags of emails I get (what do emails come in, btw?) a lot of people wonder how my Danish is going. As said in an earlier post this week, it wasn’t the best week in the world in any respect of my dismal life and here are a handful of this week’s Danish disasters (keep in mind they all occurred in Danish):

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Me to workmate: What does the word kludder mean? I can’t find it in the dictionary anywhere and I keep getting emails about it.

Colleague: It’s X’s nickname.

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Me to lady from power company: I’m not sure what this bill is for – or what months.

Lady: How can I help you?

(Deep sigh and intake of breath) Me to lady at power company: I can’t read this bill properly. Can you tell me something about it?

Lady: Yes. But I can do it in English if you like.

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Me to shop assistant: Do you sell needles? I have to sew on some buttons so I can fuck them up.

Shop assistant: (Wide eyes)

Me: I have to fuck some buttons.

Shop assistant: I think you mean sew on buttons so you can do them up.

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Me to lady at stall: Is it okay if I take a picture?

(Lady has bewildered look)

Lady: They’re DKK480

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Me to waiter: Two white wines please.

Waiter: Sure

later: two red wines arrive

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Me to workmate: So where is the 20th anniversary party?

Workmate: I just told you 30 seconds ago

Me: I said where this time. Not when.

Haha! I got one back!!

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Me to colleagues in office: Gosh. It's very hot in here

Workmates: (sniggering)

Me: What?!

Workmates: "Meeaathhhh" - just like the Queen!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL Just out of curiosity, what did you exactly say (in Danish) to the lady who was selling needles????

I could think of variations of words that could be interpreted like the one you wrote but none of them could come close to the word "at sy" *grins*

May said...

*rofl*

That was hilarious.

PS. I'm wondering about the needle word as well.

May said...

EDIT: Ahhhhh, I think I got it. "Kneppe" instead of "knappe", right?

NotQuiteDanish said...

Yes May, you got it in one. The really embarrassing thing is I was totally aware of the possible problem and made sure I learned the difference properly. Unfortunately I got the wrong one in my head and learned that. I knew as soon as I said it the second time and I actually *felt* my face go red. I'm just glad the girl was young and actually had a smirk on her face as I said it. Someone older may not have been so forgiving! I was in such a fluster from there that I put the wrong code in on my dankort twice.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaha....ok. I think if it were an old lady, she would drill a hole on your face with her laser-like stare LOOOL

MoMo 2.0 said...

ok, this post CRACKED me up! All of us Expats could keep adding to this list and most likely publish a pretty damn good book!